“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” – Steven Spielberg
Nurturing Confident Individuals: The Benefits of Authoritative Parenting
Parenting is a journey filled with decisions and choices, influenced by our own experiences and values. One parenting style that has gained recognition for its positive impact is authoritative parenting. In this blog post, we will delve into the characteristics of authoritative parenting, explore its benefits, and discuss strategies to implement this parenting style effectively.
Understanding Authoritative Parenting:
Imagine a conversation where you passionately share your knowledge and expertise with someone interested in the same topic. You provide guidance, encourage exploration, and offer support when needed. This is the essence of authoritative parenting. It is a style that combines warmth, guidance, and accountability, empowering children to become independent thinkers and decision-makers.
Signature:
Mentor-based to encourage independence in decision-making skills and social-emotional growth.
Strength(s):
This parenting style approaches a child as a human-in-progress, where parents lead by example, encourage limited risk-taking, and teach children to regulate their emotional responses through strong communication skills. It fosters a sense of autonomy while providing structure and guidance.
Challenge(s):
The challenge lies in finding the balance between enforcing rules for safety and allowing children to learn from their own experiences. It requires strong mentoring skills to help children navigate the consequences of their choices effectively. Inconsistent follow-through or over-permissiveness can blur the boundaries and undermine the positive aspects of this parenting style.
Family Bonds: WARM
I am the mother of 6 children. Yes, six! Bonding with my kids has been a lifetime of experiences. This bonding has created a warm atmosphere of trust, love and support. Even when my kids are anxious about communicating on a subject I see them approach with courage. As children grow into young adults they go through a time in their lives when they are trying to figure themselves out as people. Where do I belong? Who are my people? What is love? They grapple with everything from romance to moral issues to self-expression (and a whole lot more). When children feel safe and warm they are able to make better choices because they know that there is someone who can help them think it through…and at times someone to help them figure out their next choice to make when another choice has gone wrong.
Communication: CLEAR and ENCOURAGED
As an authoritative parent, I encourage my kids to communicate their needs. This isn’t a perfect process from the beginning. Many times it is the practice that they need to become better communicators. Sometimes what they have to say isn’t exactly what I want to hear. That is part of growing up. I encourage their thoughts and communication so that I am able to mentor or guide them through making decisions. We’ve established that they can trust me so when they bring me their important thoughts I listen. Then I ask questions to help them to clarify what it is that they are looking to do.
Emotions: REGULATED
There’s nothing better than seeing your child grow, progress and thrive as they learn to navigate this world. Within this style of parenting we show by example how to manage big feelings. We encourage reflective listening and effective communication skills. As a parent and educator, I understand that behavior is form of communication. When behavior comes up and, let’s say, it’s annoying to me. I try to look at the whole situation and how it is affecting my child. Helping kids to regulate their emotional responses is a big chunk of why authoritative parenting is so successful in my opinion. Children require guidance and even more so they require us to be not only consistent but patient as they learn.
Boundaries: ENFORCED with SKILL DEVELOPMENT and MENTORING
As you establish your bonding with your child you teach skills like communication and emotional regulation. This, then naturally leads parenting to teaching your child boundaries. Boundaries are rules. Rules for me. Rules for you. Rules for them. Rules for most things. Rules imply that there is a standard of behavior that is expected. The reasons for why certain boundaries are in place are truly up to the person extending the boundary. Authoritative parenting focuses on repetitive skill development and helping kids to reflect on their WHY. Why must I wear a seat belt? Why do I need to call Mr. Johnson…Mr. Johnson? Why can’t I have brownies for breakfast? Why can’t I slap Jay when he slapped me? Why can’t I….? When we lay down a boundary/rule we need to be clear about why it is there and who it is for. Is it a reasonable thing to demand? This is where mentoring comes in. As a boundary is broken we use it as a teaching moment when consequences must be faced. Authoritative parents do this. They establish the boundary, are clear on consequences, follow through and then help their child reflect on what choice they made followed up by problem solving what could have been done differently.
Decision Making: CHILD-CENTERED but PARENT MENTORED and MONITORED
It’s true that not every decision in authoritative parenting will be child-centered. Sometimes we need to take the wheel because we are the adults and it is our responsibility to enforce certain boundaries to keep our growing children safe. When those situations are not happening we are able to give our children limited opportunities (to start) at making choices. This involves very active parenting at first. You are monitoring things like friend groups, after-school events and school situations as they arise. It’s important to give kids the chances to fail, to make the wrong choice (that maybe ended in a tough situation) or to be in the wrong. Why do we do this? The simple but still complicated anyway answer to that is: experience matters. Our brains need experiences to connect dots of situations so that we can recall them and make better decisions at a later time. This is precisely why mentoring kids increasingly as they grow is important. As the adult you are giving them the benefit of your experience when they have little to reference. You are teaching them how to problem solve and accept consequence by owning their actions.
Ultimately, there are benefits of Authoritative Parenting:
- Independence and Autonomy: Authoritative parents empower their children to make age-appropriate choices, fostering independence and autonomy. This allows children to develop decision-making skills and a sense of ownership over their actions.
- Social-Emotional Development: By nurturing clear and open communication, authoritative parents create an environment where children can express their emotions and thoughts freely. This supports healthy social-emotional development, including empathy, self-regulation, and effective communication skills.
- Strong Parent-Child Relationship: The authoritative parenting style emphasizes warmth, support, and mutual respect. This fosters a strong parent-child bond built on trust and open communication, enabling children to seek guidance and support when needed.
- Self-Discipline and Responsibility: With clear boundaries, consistent enforcement, and logical consequences, authoritative parents teach their children self-discipline and responsibility. They learn the importance of accountability and understand that their actions have consequences.
Authoritative parenting is a powerful approach that fosters independence, resilience, and healthy development in children. By creating a nurturing and supportive environment, setting clear boundaries, and fostering open communication, parents can empower their children to become confident individuals capable of making responsible choices. The journey of authoritative parenting requires ongoing learning, adaptability, and genuine care for the well-being of our children.
Take care & I’ll talk to you soon,
Julie