“Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.” — Alphonse de Lamartine

Embracing the Waves of Grief: A Personal Account of Love and Healing

Grief is an inevitable part of our human experience, a profound teacher in the school of life. It’s a testament to our ability to love deeply and to cherish the memories of those we’ve lost. 

As I sat quietly on the porch of my home, the crisp November air wrapped around me like a familiar blanket, I found myself reflecting. It was over a year ago, a time steeped in celebration and shadowed by remembrance, when I turned 50. That milestone arrived five years after my mother’s passing and just a year and a half following my father’s departure in 2021. Their absence in my life is like two silent voids that I’ve learned to walk around but never truly cross.

The Unseen Voids of Loss

The journey of grief is not one we choose, but it chooses us, carving out voids that we must learn to navigate. On my 50th birthday, a milestone tinged with both celebration and sorrow, I felt the silent absence of my parents. It had been five years since my mother’s passing and a year and a half since my father’s. Grief, in its complexity, settled upon me with an intensity that made the simplest of tasks feel monumental. Grief is a peculiar companion. On some days, it’s a poignant film playing scenes of bygone days, and on others, it’s a sudden gust that leaves you breathless. The loss of both my parents within such a short span was nothing short of devastating. I miss them—every day, every moment. Some days, the weight of their absence settles heavily on my heart, making even the simplest tasks feel like mountains to scale.

A Moment of Surprising Joy

During my birthday party, amidst the laughter and the clinking of glasses, I experienced a moment of pure joy mingled with the bitter tang of grief. It came unexpectedly, a gift from my family (it was the loving idea of my daughter-in-law, Jen)—a stuffed animal, unremarkable at first glance. It was Hedwig from Harry Potter! My dad always loved birds but that was the furthest thing from my mind when I held the stuffed animal.   But as I pressed its paw, I heard something that time had snatched away from me—my father’s voice. A simple “I love you”  in his warm, familiar timbre, suddenly filled my ears.  It was a recording my 2nd oldest daughter had saved from my phone, a piece of him preserved. The surprise left me speechless, as I held the stuffed animal close, a tangible piece of my father’s love.  Amidst the sorrow, though, there’s an unexpected beauty. My father’s voice wished me a ‘Happy Birthday’ not in the literal words, but, with sentiment he always shared. His love and support.  It’s a poignant reminder that while we never truly move on from loss, we learn to incorporate it into our tapestry of life. There’s a peculiar beauty in the midst of this sorrow. 

The emotional landscape of that day was complex—a tapestry woven with threads of happiness, surprise, sadness, and an overwhelming sense of love. It reminded me that while we never truly move on from such losses, we learn to move forward with them. Grief doesn’t diminish over time; instead, we expand around it, creating new spaces in our lives for joy and memories to coexist with the pain. My family’s understanding and support have been a balm for my aching heart. They, too, feel the absence of my parents, yet they stand with me, a testament to the strength and love that my parents instilled in us all. It’s in these moments of collective remembrance and shared comfort that I find the strength to embrace the duality of loss and love.

Navigating Grief: Creating Space for Grief and Joy

Grief is not a sign of weakness but a marker of profound love. It doesn’t fade; instead, we grow around it, allowing joy and pain to coexist. The support of my family, their understanding, and shared memories provided a foundation of strength, enabling me to honor the duality of loss and love. This journey through grief has taught me that there’s no right or wrong way to mourn, and no timeline for when the heartache should end. It’s a deeply personal path, one that I navigate with patience and self-compassion. On difficult days, I allow myself the grace to feel the full extent of my loss, knowing that it’s okay to not be okay. And on brighter days, I cherish the new memories created with those still here, understanding that my parents’ legacy lives on through the life I lead and the love I share.

The Continual Healing Process

As I share this slice of my life, I do so with a sense of hope. If you’re walking through the valleys shadowed by grief, know that you’re not alone. We each carry our losses differently, but the common thread is that we carry on. We find joy in the legacy left behind, we cherish the echoes of laughter in the quiet moments, and we learn to make room in our lives for grief, not as a burden, but as a testament to the love we’ve been fortunate enough to experience. To those who read this, know that grief is not a journey to be completed, but a series of waves to be ridden, each ebb and flow a step towards healing. It never truly goes away, but we learn to coexist with it, finding strength in the memories and love that remain unyielding against the tide of time.

Take care & I’ll talk to you soon!

Julie