“Children are not things to be molded but are people to be unfolded.” – Jess Lair

Finding Balance: Understanding the Authoritarian Parenting Style

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

Parenting styles greatly shape a child’s upbringing and their development. One such style that has garnered attention is authoritarian parenting. In this blog post, we will explore the characteristics, strengths, challenges, and potential consequences of authoritarian parenting. By gaining a deeper understanding of this parenting style, we can navigate its complexities and find a balanced approach that promotes healthy parent-child relationships and fosters a child’s individuality.

Understanding Authoritarian Parenting:

Authoritarian parenting is characterized by favoring absolute obedience and strict control. Parents who adopt this style often place high expectations on their children and expect unquestioning compliance. Rules and discipline are emphasized, with limited room for negotiation or input from the child. Punishments for disobedience are common, and fear and intimidation may be used to maintain authority. However, it’s essential to recognize the potential drawbacks and seek a balance between structure and support.

Signature:

Absolutism with or without reasoning backed up with physical discipline to encourage or discourage behavior from the child.

Strength(s):

Authoritarian parenting teaches children about hierarchy, rules, and systems. It can provide a sense of structure and safety, especially for younger children who may benefit from clear boundaries and guidance.

Challenge(s):

Authoritarian parenting poses challenges as it often requires blind obedience from children. This approach may stifle a child’s individuality, curiosity, and emotional growth. Power struggles and damaged relationships within the family can arise when children’s natural quest for understanding and autonomy clashes with strict adherence to rules without room for questioning.

Family Bonds: OBLIGATORY and based in RESPONSIBILITY

In an authoritarian parenting style, family bonds are typically perceived as obligations rather than warm relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Children in these households often feel a sense of responsibility to obey their parents’ rules and expectations, even at the expense of their own individuality and emotional wellbeing. These enforced bonds may lead to children feeling a strong sense of duty, but often lack the nurturing and emotional connection associated with healthier parenting styles.

Communication: LIMITED and ONE-SIDED

Communication within an authoritarian household tends to be limited and one-sided. Parents dictate the rules and children are expected to listen without question. This lack of open dialogue often prevents children from developing crucial communication skills such as negotiation, empathy, and understanding different perspectives. It also limits opportunities for parents to understand their child’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences, creating a gap in the parent-child relationship.

Emotions: NOT REGULATED, SUPPRESSED, IGNORED & DISCOURAGED

Emotional regulation is often neglected in an authoritarian household. Emotions are seen as distractions or weaknesses, leading to suppression, ignorance, or even discouragement of emotional expression. Consequently, children may struggle to understand, process, and manage their emotions in a healthy way, often carrying these difficulties into their adult relationships and life situations.

Boundaries: STRICTLY ENFORCED BY PARENT

Boundaries in an authoritarian household are rigid and strictly enforced by the parents. Children have little to no say in setting these boundaries, leading to feelings of being controlled rather than guided. These strict boundaries often stifle a child’s sense of autonomy and independence, which are crucial for their self-confidence and decision-making skills later in life.

Decision Making: PARENT DIRECTED and MONITORED

In an authoritarian household, decision-making is solely the purview of the parents. Choices, both big and small, are made by the parents with little or no input from the child. This approach may instill discipline and a sense of order, but it also hampers the development of the child’s decision-making and problem-solving skills. It leaves little room for the child to learn from their mistakes or to understand the consequences of their actions, which are vital life skills. There is importance in finding a balance between structure and support in parenting.  Often this need to control all aspects of a child’s life can lend itself to more challenges for both parent and child later on. For example,  often in my work I see parents loading their child’s schedule with multiple activities, groups and chores at home.  All of that, in moderation, is a wonderful way to help a child find a wider perspective in life and fosters responsibility.  When every hour of the day is spoken for, however, we find that once the child grows old enough to make decisions they often won’t make them at all or require adult help to stay busy.  I’ve even seen children have panic attacks when they haven’t had enough to keep them busy (not being able to come up with their own activities without adult input).

The Potential Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting:

Suppressed Individuality: Authoritarian parenting can inhibit a child’s sense of individuality and self-expression. The focus on obedience and conformity may hinder their ability to explore their unique interests, talents, and aspirations.

Low Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: Constant criticism and harsh discipline can erode a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence. They may develop a fear of making mistakes and become overly reliant on external validation. As a Family Peer Advocate I have had many experiences with parents and children highlighting the potential negative impact of authoritarian parenting on a child’s emotional well-being and the importance of nurturing their individuality.  I think parents mean well and focus on what they know…which is what they experienced as a child from their own parents.  A key challenge here is that parents with this style almost feel like they are on autopilot and are going by someone else’s playbook.  Each child is unique in their genetics and their disposition.  Their ability to learn, problem solve and show understanding differs from child to child.  Their only job is to show up and learn from us, their parents.  If we aren’t clear on what is important or WHY it is important we send mixed signals to children that impact how they see their place in the world.

Limited Problem-Solving Skills: Authoritarian parenting may hinder a child’s problem-solving abilities. By not involving them in decision-making processes or encouraging independent thinking, they may struggle to develop critical thinking skills and learn from their mistakes.

Strained Parent-Child Relationships: The power dynamics inherent in authoritarian parenting can strain the parent-child relationship. The lack of open communication and limited opportunities for dialogue may result in reduced trust, emotional distance, and decreased emotional connection.

Understanding the complexities of authoritarian parenting helps us recognize both its strengths and challenges. Striking a balance between structure and support is crucial for fostering healthy parent-child relationships and allowing a child to develop their individuality. By embracing open communication, encouraging independent thinking, and promoting emotional well-being, we can create an environment that nurtures a child’s growth, self-esteem, and problem-solving skills.

Julie